(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
BURKE.. Chapter one.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts otherwise,
life will give you lemons.
When that happens, you've got two choices, friend.
You can wear a sour face or make lemonade.
(CAR HORNS HONKING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
I never shouId have booked this city.
Come on, come on, come on.
FinaIIy!
Huh?
What, did you swim here? Might as weII have.
This is exactIy why I teII you
you gotta fIy in the night before.
The Iess time I spend in this city, the better.
I know, I know, I know. But you'II be enthused to know
that I reamed customer service.
Your bag is gonna be on the very next fIight.
But have no fear.
There is a brand-new suit waiting for you right here.
Where'd you conjure this up from?
WeII, rainmakers make rain...
Room key. Voilà.
There's a gorgeous Iatte-coIored siIk tie in there.
I think you're gonna Iove it. It's subtIe... Latte?
Okay, there's a red one in there, too. Okay?
Can you pIease just Iook your best? PIease, okay?
Listen, aII three Unicom suits wiII fIy in from New York
day after tomorrow to see if we can make a deaI.
AII three of them?
I'm Lane goddamned MarshaII.
Burke, for once in your Iife, can you pIease take the eIevator?
See you.
(SIGHS)
Coming to the seminar? Okay.
Okay. Big day. Big day.
LANE.. And don't forget the DVDs and audio books
available for purchase all through the week
at our booth down the hall.
And now, without further ado,
the author of the bestseller A Path Through Grief, my friend...
No, my inspiration, Burke Ryan.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
AII right!
Thanks, Lane. Wow!
Whoo!
You guys make a guy feel good.
I'm feeling okay. How are you?
ALL: A-Okay!
(WHOOPING) Good. Let me ask you a question.
Any football fans in the house?
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Certain college team not too long ago lost their season opener.
They're going nowhere fast.
Then something happened. Thank you.
An event that changed everything for their coach.
The guy started sleeping at the office,
reinvented the playbook, studied film.
He was on the case 24-7.
They went on to win the national championship.
Well, after all the fanfare and the champagne, he traipsed on home,
went upstairs, went to his closet
and removed his Browning double-barreled shotgun,
put it to his chin and pulled the trigger.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
See, the event that changed it all
back at the beginning of the season?
His brother, his best friend in the world, died of a heart attack.
(AUDIENCE GASP)
You might be able to get back on the horse, do great things.
Hell, you might even win a national championship.
But if you don't pay the piper, he will come calling.
I want to thank each and every one of you
for having the courage to really feel the loss of loved ones.
I know it's not easy.
I've been there.
How are you? You okay?
ALL: A-Okay!
Good. All right. Say it one more time. How are you?
ALL: A-Okay!
All right. I'll see you in workshop.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
JESSICA: Perfect. Perfect.
Good. Good. Great.
Come on, Ioosen up a IittIe bit. You need a drink?
Maybe you need a drink. Waiter!
PIease, no drink. Chapter 1 2.
''AIcohoI's no more a cure-aII than a Band-Aid on a buIIet wound.''
AII right. Now fIash me that sign of yours.
Great. Give me that.
Great. So, teII me, what motivated the book?
Uh, my wife died.
I know.
Why teII the whoIe worId about it?
It was a way to coach myseIf how to get through it.
You know, I never intended for anyone to actuaIIy read it,
but my manager gave it to a pubIisher and here I am.
Yes, you are. What happened?
(CLEARING THROAT) Uh...
She was driving us to dinner.
Dog in the middIe of the road.
Car swerved into a poIe.
She died instantIy.
It must have been awfuI. I'm sorry.
Appreciate it.
WeII, I think I got what I needed.
Great! Fantastic. Nice to meet you, Jessica.
Nice to meet you.
You take care.
WOMAN: Thanks.
This way, guys. FoIIow Burke.
AII right, everybody.
Those of you who signed up for the morning work group,
you're in for a treat.
Let's go! Let's go!
Come out in the middIe here. Excuse us.
(BRAKES SCREECHING) Thank you. Excuse us for a second.
Sorry. Come on out here.
Come on, everybody out.
I want you to take a moment and Iook around
and teII me what you see and what you hear.
Okay? AII right.
Okay.
Lorraine.
Cars. Honking cars.
Good. NataIie?
Jackhammers.
Anybody eIse? MAN: StopIights.
StopIights. Cement.
A homeIess person.
Trash.
MiddIe fingers.
Good. ExceIIent.
Now remember that and foIIow me.
BURKE: AII right. Now what do you see? Lorraine?
The ocean.
Good. MAN 1 : Trees.
MAN 2: The Space NeedIe.
Skyscrapers.
Mount Rainier.
MAN 3: Rivers.
MAN 4: BeautifuI rivers.
WOMAN: The sun. Good.
MAN 5: Naked hot-tubber.
(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)
Wow. LittIe bit different up here, isn't it?
And yet, it's the same.
We haven't gone anywhere.
We're just Iooking at things from a new perspective.
Inside of each of you, there are sirens, honking horns and gridIock,
but there's aIso this.
We just have to do the work
and cIimb the stairs to find it.
You have the reporter at noon and I think you're gonna Iike her a Iot.
Look, I don't reaIIy give a rat's ass
what your canceIIation poIicy is.
I am Ieaving and I want my money back.
Sir, it's not that simpIe. I'II be right back.
Our canceIIation poIicy cIearIy...
Hi. Becky? What seems to be the troubIe here?
Mr. Ryan, this gentIeman is refusing to adhere...
Thank you. Hi. I'm Burke.
You are?
WaIter MayfieId.
WaIter. Where you from?
BiIIings. Drove out from BiIIings.
Montana. That's quite a drive.
Yeah. Look, I don't think this thing is for me, okay?
Okay. You mind if I ask why?
WeII, frankIy, my sister taIked me into it, and the...
You know, the whoIe... And the feeIings...
I understand. I understand.
Can I ask you, why did your sister think
it was so important for you to come here?
My son.
And what's his name? Stephen.
And when did he... Does it reaIIy matter?
It matters to me, WaIter. I'd Iike to hear.
Do you have a picture?
I'm sorry.
WaIter, I know how you feeI. I've been there.
My wife died. Three years ago.
I want you to know that you've taken the first step
just by waIking through these doors, and something inside you,
whether you know it or not, made you drive aII this way.
If you want to Ieave, we'II honor your request.
I hope you don't.
Thanks, Becky. Think about it.
BURKE.. Chapter two. Happiness is a state of mind
and, like all things, it takes practice.
Devote five minutes a day to smiling, just smiling,
and after a while it'll come naturally.
(EXCLAIMS) Sorry. I didn't mean to...
Hey, you forgot your pen!
Quidnunc? Quidnunc?
What can I get you?
I wouId Iike another Seven-and-Seven, and a tomato juice
for my virtuous friend here.
Tomato juice.
Thank you.
So, as far as Unicom knows,
I'm a hair away from signing a deaI with Time Warner. Okay?
I'm expecting the offer by Iunchtime tomorrow.
That means TV, radio, pubIishing. AII of it.
Are you as hot for me right now as I am hot for me right now?
So hot.
And check it.
Ted Vernon, the CEO himseIf, is gonna fIy in for the end of the seminar.
My guess, a IittIe warm and fuzzy contract-inking party.
Who knows?
Your drinks, gentIemen.
Thank you.
It's a Iong way from booking you gigs
writing coIumns for Psychology Today, huh?
I'II get you a Learjet.
You Iike Learjets?
Lane.
Come on. You know that's not why I wrote it.
You do know that you're heIping peopIe, right, man?
(SIGHS)
This is your moment.
You have to give yourseIf permission to enjoy it, brother.
Come on, man. Live a IittIe.
Yeah.
What?
You're right.
(EXHALES)
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Hi. Do you remember me? From the haIIway upstairs?
You dropped your pen.
Um...
WouId you Iike to have a cup of coffee?
Ah.
Right. Um...
WeII, we couId bring him aIong if you want. DoubIe your pIeasure.
I'm sorry. I... I... You...
See you, Ricky.
Later, EIoise.
(SIGHS)
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Hey, baby. What's this? DeIivery.
Wow. I was in the neighborhood,
so I figured I'd bring you Iunch
'cause I knew you'd be working so hard.
Wow, you didn't have to do that.
PoIished up, ready to go.
(EXCLAIMS) Hey, EIoise.
ELOISE: Hi, Ian.
How's your boss treating you today?
Oh, he's aII right.
The Iead singer of the Stereo Kings trashed his Les PauI.
Look at that fretboard, man. As good as new.
Make sure he signs for it.
IAN: No probIem.
Did you have company?
Um...
Yeah. I toId you Frank and I were working Iast night.
Frank wears Iipstick?
Hey, Iisten. EI, it's not what you think.
It's business. TotaIIy pIatonic.
You know what? You used that one Iast time.
No, she's got ties to Sony. Hey!
Listen to me. You gotta Iisten to me. EIoise!
I don't want to hear it.
(SIGHS)
BURKE: How you doing today?
MAN: Pretty good, thanks.
AII right. Okay.
What's your name?
AIberto.
See you at workshop, okay? Goodbye.
Mr. Ryan.
You are something. Yes, sir.
Say, wouId you mind signing that to ''DonaId and ShirIey,'' pIease?
There you go.
Say, do you mind if I share?
Share?
Yeah. See, there's this feIIow in his 60s
and he thinks he's just gonna, you know, saiI through his retirement.
But then one day, three years and 13 days ago,
his daughter dies.
And the truth is he hasn't been doing very weII.
He doesn't sIeep much, and he and his wife, weII...
You can understand.
But his daughter's husband,
weII, he doesn't seem to be having
any of these kinds of probIems. No.
She was crushed to death in a car crash, but he, weII...
He's making Iemonade out of Iemons. Isn't that how it goes?
When are you gonna stop Iying, son?
Hypocrite.
Burke, I am so sorry.
God. The baIIs on him!
I'm fine.
Who does he think he is?
Her father.
Even so, way over the Iine.
Forget that. You know what? She'd be proud of you.
AII right, you're pissed off at me.
A thousand times you said no to SeattIe, but I wouIdn't Iisten.
You gotta be pissed off at me.
I'm fine.
(SIGHING)
Burke?
C YNTHIA.. So, take a good look at them, mister. A little preview of tonight.
I know how you love the high heels.
I'll see you tonight at 8..00. Standing tall.
Big kiss.
Love you.
MARTY: ''So, my ass don't fit no Cosmo cover
''You think I can't be some hot animaI Iover?
''You scared of my cerebraI cortex? That I'm GIoria's fish, chromosome X?
''Or maybe you're just afraid of my battery-operated sex''
What do you think?
HeIIo.
There's something wrong with that girI.
She said she wanted to hear it.
Marty. SIam poetry, coffee house.
My shop, work. PIease.
Yes, ma'am.
Are there any new receivabIes?
Just that birthday arrangement I toId you about.
Right. Great.
Marty, you did not cauterize the stems.
Oh.
I was just about to.
You know what? Here's what happens.
The sap poIIutes the water and then they die twice as fast.
I know, I know, I know, I know. I'II get it. I promise.
I don't understand this. We have roses, we have aII of these.
I mean, come on. These are fIowers Iiving out of water.
Are you aII right?
Look, I just had a reaIIy... I've had a reaIIy bad coupIe of days, okay?
WouId you Iike to taIk to me about it?
No, I don't.
Because you weren't this mad the Iast time I forgot to cauterize.
TyIer.
And some groupie.
Again?
Yeah.
No. No!
I know. It's crazy.
I can't beIieve it.
God, you know what? No, I can beIieve it. I can totaIIy beIieve it.
Excuse me. What does that mean? What does that mean?
It's so cIear to me.
Oh.
It means that you manage to choose guys
that guarantee that at some point,
we are going to be standing here
having this same conversation again.
And you're gonna be shocked at the outcome of the reIationship again.
But most of aII,
I just hate seeing you get so disappointed and hurt every singIe time.
Am I being too harsh?
Yes. No.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna...
Cauterize. Yeah.
BURKE: It was because they were feeIing pain and resentment.
I want you to re-read Chapter 1 2, okay?
The cigarettes are more than just a habit. They're a deniaI mechanism.
Oh.
Okay?
''MentaI heaIth begins with...''
''PhysicaI heaIth.'' Okay.
And how you aIways say it's important to remember the person,
how they Iived, not how they died?
WeII, my husband Ioved my oatmeaI-raisin cookies so much.
So, I took his ashes and...
Meet my StanIey.
Don't those Iook deIicious?
I'II see you in workshop.
Oh, thank him.
(ELOISE CHATTERING)
...event next week in the Junior BaIIroom.
But then JuIie was wondering if we couId get the side...
Excuse me. ...arrangements. Excuse...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, there's been a heaIing.
You Iike making a fooI of peopIe,
pretending to be HeIen KeIIer?
Uh, weII, technicaIIy, she was bIind aIso, so...
Okay. WiII you excuse us for a second?
Thank you.
See, I happen to know a thing or two about peopIe.
You get approached a Iot.
ProbabIy have since the day you strapped on your first training bra.
But you're smart and you're creative and you're caring and deep.
But how come the guys onIy see the package it comes in?
Sure, you're fIattered, but uItimateIy, uItimateIy, it's tiresome
because it has nothing to do with you. You were born that way.
You can't take credit for it. Your insides, though. That's yours.
That's what you want someone to truIy see, even a stranger.
Ergo, you fake a handicap
rather than deign to have a conversation with a feIIow human being.
You prefer sign Ianguage? Fine.
(GASPS)
(SIGHS)
Smooth. ReaI smooth.
Ha!
Excuse me. This is the men's room.
You know what? Excuse me.
What did you have in mind?
Some sweet, romantic courtship
in the bar over some warm peanuts
before we consummate our Iove in the gIow of Spectravision porn?
You...
God, I'm so sorry your IittIe ego took such a bruising.
But you know what? I bet the next chick that you meet in the eIevator
or, I don't know, the gym,
is gonna fit that biII just fine. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Even though I bet you have a wife who is actuaIIy stupid enough
to beIieve that you're the one guy with integrity. The one guy.
UntiI, of course, she finds that Iipstick mark on your boxers,
and then it's game over, paI.
And that one thing that you heId so dear,
that one thing that you Ioved more than anything in the worId,
is tainted and ruined and destroyed Iike that.
(SIGHS)
Ergo, if you had a brain in either head,
you wouId reaIize that I was doing us both a favor.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me.
Sure. No probIem.
Is that my fIower you're wearing?
No.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, it is.
But I... I took it before, when I thought you were deaf.
Hmm?
Not that I wouId steaI from a deaf person.
AII right.
Goodbye.
(SIGHING) My God.
AII right, this one's ready.
Where's that headed? Don't know.
He said you'd know where it was going.
Hi.
Don't you Iook grand.
Thank you. My, my, fancy.
Thank you. AII right.
The concierge said it's good.
That's good. He shouId know.
Yeah.
It stopped raining.
It sure did.
Carrot-ginger and the spinach soup.
You know, I have to say, I have never been on a date with someone
who has a cardboard cutout of themseIves.
WeII, I mean, they're... They're reaIIy...
They're good for the carpooI Iane.
Oh.
(CHUCKLING)
Got it.
You know, we take Iong waIks on the beach together, go fIy kites.
He's the kite.
Because he's cardboard. Right.
Your saIads. Enjoy.
Thank you. Thank you.
So...
''Quidnunc''?
Yeah.
You weren't reaIIy supposed to see that, but, you know...
They're just... They're just words.
So, there's more than one, or...
Mmm-mmm.
Thank you.
WeII, your concierge caIIed it. That was reaI good.
Right. Thank you.
My pIeasure.
So, I gotta... I'm gonna go. I've got...
It's a schooI night for me, so...
I understand.
It was very nice. Thank you. Okay.
AII right. Thank you. Great.
Goodbye. See you Iater. Thanks.
EIoise!
Oh.
You know, I haven't... I haven't been on a date in three years.
'Cause see, I was... I was married.
And I mean, normaIIy, I'm... I'm quite dashing and debonair
and whatever other ''D'' word there is
that wouId reaIIy impress you.
But it's painfuIIy apparent that I'm... I'm a IittIe rusty.
(LAUGHS)
Why... Why wouIdn't you just say so?
I don't know, a desperate attempt to hoId on to
whatever shred of mascuIinity that I have Ieft?
Okay. So...
So then I'm your... I'm your first since a divorce?
Uh, you are the first... WeII, that's good.
Because that expIains a Iot. Because that in there...
It was... It was bad.
ReaIIy bad.
WeII, I have to go pick some phaIangiums right now.
WouId you Iike to come with me?
Yeah.
Good.
PersonaIIy, I Iike to put the waffIes and bacon in first.
I'm increasing the pH IeveI.
Hey. You do your thing.
I'm stiII trying to wrap my head around what your thing is.
You're just gonna have to read my book.
You're sIippery.
I prefer ''mysterious.''
How Iong you been at this?
Oh, I've aIways wanted to do it.
I finaIIy got up the guts a coupIe of years ago to open my own shop.
Good for you.
''JuIie, we have never met...''
No. Hey!
Wow. Nosy.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. I don't mean to...
But these are just... They're from deIiveries.
They're copies I've made of cards that have,
you know, stuck with me.
So... Can I...
ReaIIy? WouId you... Yeah. I'd Iike to.
Okay.
''JuIie, we have never met,
''but I've watched you IovingIy aII these years.
''CongratuIations and have a beautifuI wedding.
''Love, your father.''
May I?
Um...
Let's see.
''Stacy, these are supposed to Iast two weeks.
''I'II be back in time to see them bIoom.''
Yeah, depIoyed Marine. He never saw them bIoom.
One Iast one.
''My dearest wife, happy 50th anniversary.
''Sorry about the rug burns Iast night.''
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Thanks for the visuaI.
Life on a 3-by-5.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Okay, weII, I mean, if this is the candIe of truth,
then I guess I shouId be honest.
I... I used her Iife insurance money
for a down payment on a condo in Mexico.
WeII, because we had taIked about it before. He Iiked the idea.
So, I... I made a moId of his, you know...
(PEOPLE CHUCKLE)
That way, when he was gone, we couId stiII, you know...
BURKE: Who's next?
WaIter?
Not much to say, reaIIy.
WaIter, there's aIways something to say. Come on, teII us.
How did your son die?
(CLEARS THROAT)
I used to be a contractor. He was my IittIe right-hand man.
OnIy 1 2, but he couId frame a garden shed better than I couId.
We stopped by my construction site.
I had to pick up some bIueprints from my traiIer.
I toId him to wait in the car.
He feII off a scaffoId and snapped his spinaI cord in two.
(SNIFFLING)
Just Iike...
Just Iike that.
And every day...
Every day is...
I shouId've known he wouIdn't stay in the car.
WaIter, you said, ''I used to be a contractor.''
I can't even waIk into a hardware store.
I cIean buiIdings at night now.
And I Iost my business.
My wife Ieft me.
Thank you, WaIter.
There's a dirty IittIe secret. It's fear.
How many here don't fIy anymore?
Come on, raise your hands.
Who here gets an annuaI checkup three times a year?
How many of you don't take eIevators
or gave up skiing, biking, surfing, kayaking, whatever it might be?
WeII, Iisten to me. Fear is a state of mind.
We're gonna prove that right now.
BURKE: Let's put our hands together.
Ready? Here we go.
(ALL CHEERING)
Step, step, step, step.
Okay? Come on, NataIie.
(EXCLAIMING)
(WHOOPING)
BURKE: The onIy thing separating you and me is in your head.
Come on. You can do this. Come on.
Okay. WaIter?
Come on, WaIter! MAN: Come on, WaIter!
BURKE: Here we go!
Come on, WaIter!
Here we go.
WOMAN: Come on, WaIter!
Come on!
WaIter.
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm sorry. This is just siIIy.
I'm not gonna feeI A-Okay
because I waIked across some damn coaIs.
Okay, then it shouIdn't be that big of a deaI, WaIter.
It's not a big deaI. It's just...
It's a step.
It's an important step.
WeII, it has nothing to do with my Stephen.
WaIter, wouId Stephen want you Iike this?
Or wouId he want you to move on, to take a step forward?
You don't know anything about my son.
WaIter, watch.
WaIter, come on.
Come on, WaIter. You can do this.
Come on.
WaIter!
Okay. AII right, we aII go at our own pace.
He'II get there.
AII right, weII, Iet's give ourseIves a round of appIause
(ALL APPLAUDING)
for daring to kick fear right where it hurts.
Buddy, this stuff is gonna hurt.
How many Iayers of skin do you think you have?
Not enough.
You know, you can't do the work for them.
You know that, right?
The guy needs heIp.
Fine, but you can't do it for them.
This is gonna sting a IittIe bit.
Ready?
Count of three.
One.
(GROANING)
Lane! You're fired!
WOMAN: Once you sign with us, you're no Ionger an independent contractor.
You've got aII 32 divisions funneIing your image 24-7.
Within a year, we'II increase your househoId name recognition by 65%.
The Burke Ryan Show wiII subsequentIy Iaunch in the third quarter.
FoIIowed by the DVD Iine, a new set of books,
syndicated taIk radio, et cetera.
''Et cetera'' is good.
AII of this Iays the foundation for a branding strategy
that taps into demographics weII beyond your current base.
Studies indicate that persons grieving the Ioss of a Ioved one
put on 30 to 40% more weight than the nationaI average.
Introducing the Burke Ryan CaIorie Reduction PIan.
''FinaIIy, a Ioss you can feeI good about.''
Ooh.
Look at that. I Iike that picture.
(SIGHS)
Wow. Are you kidding me?
You Iook strong, you Iook happy and...
Right.
It's a mock-up at this point. Anyway, continuing on...
(GROANING)
LANE.. Hey, that was great. Don't forget,
when Mr. Vernon gets into town...
Hey, I gotta take them down to the museum
and show them around like an idiot...
Did that beep? Hey, Burke. It's me, Eloise.
BURKE: So, where are we going?
ELOISE: It's aII good. You'II see.
Okay, I wiII be right back.
Is this... Is this your house?
No, it's my mom's.
I'm just gonna go grab something.
I mean, you're more than weIcome to come in.
Okay.
ELOISE: Hi, Mom.
Oh. Hi, honey.
Bob Ieft the keys on the counter.
Oh, great.
Great. How was your day?
Oh, fine. I had Iots of coupons.
Oh, reaIIy? So, that was busy, huh?
Mmm-hmm.
Hi. I brought you fIowers.
Oh. Those are so pretty. Thanks.
Mom, I'd Iike you to meet a friend of mine.
I wasn't expecting company.
Hi. I'm Burke.
Burke Ryan!
EIIie, you didn't teII me you were dating a ceIebrity.
WeII, we're not dating.
I wish you wouId have toId me. I Iook Iike heII.
Not at aII. It's just the opposite.
I see where EIoise gets her Iooks.
Let's show him your pictures.
You know, no, I don't think so...
I'd Iove to.
No, reaIIy.
You know... Okay, I'm gonna get the keys.
My word, you have Pocahontas here.
EIoise was state archery champion two years in a row.
No. Oh, Mother.
Don't be modest. This is Burke Ryan.
(SOFTLY) I Ioved you on The Today Show.
Now how oId is she here?
Okay. I got those keys, so thank you for that.
We gotta go. Look how cute you are here.
A-Okay. A-Okay.
It was very nice meeting you. Nice to meet you.
Hope to see you again. Yeah. Take care. Bye-bye.
I am so gIad you're not dating that musician.
Mother. Oh, God.
I Iove you. Thanks. Thank Bob.
Burke Ryan. Oh, my God!
Wow. She's so sweet.
She Ioves you.
I reaIIy enjoyed that.
It was very sweet.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, Mom. No, no, no. This way. Come on.
Where are we going?
It's fun not knowing, isn't it?
Ah.
(CHUCKLING) You'II see.
What, are you trying to avoid the FBI?
You'II see. PIease, just get in the truck.
I think I forgot my hard hat.
Oh, reaIIy? WeII, here you go.
What you doing?
Your chariot awaits.
SeriousIy? Me, in bucket?
Yes. Trust me.
Have you had any coId medicine today?
Not today.
We're good. Okay, now watch this.
Very dangerous. Fingers. Uh-huh.
Lock us in. Got it?
Do you know what you're doing? Uh-huh.
Ready? Oh, Lord.
Are we in? BuckIed?
Locked? Loaded? Okay.
AII right, here Iies Burke Ryan, dead...
Oh, stop it. I had a crash course this morning from Bob.
Who is Bob, and why is my Iife in his hands?
Bob's my mom's neighbor.
Current boyfriend of the moment.
(CLEARING THROAT) Mmm-hmm.
Okay. Here's what I was thinking.
I wanted to pick up from Iast night.
And I wanted to get you tickets to Rogue Wave,
but they've been soId out for weeks.
So, I figured where there is a wiII, there is a way.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN.. (SINGING) Heaven is a switchboard that you want to fight
She would even miss you if you taught her sight
Power politician leaning to the right
Baby's got a trust fund that she'll want to go off like that
Get off my stack
Leave a little window
Get off of my stack
Now we wear same-colored yellow uniforms
Sky is burning but at least we're warm
If I had a nickeI for every time I saw a concert
from a teIephone truck, I'd be...
Thank you. It was exquisite.
Don't thank me. Thank Bob.
Thank you, Bob.
Hey, I got your book.
I'm haIfway through it.
ReaIIy?
WeII, wait tiII you get to the recipe chapters.
They're top-notch.
I'm sorry about your wife.
How come you didn't teII me that's what happened?
I don't know. Never came up.
WeII, it sounded Iike you reaIIy Ioved her.
Yeah, I did.
But that was a Iong time ago.
Three years?
Twenty-one in dog years.
I had a reaIIy, reaIIy great time.
Me, too. That was reaIIy fun.
What?
I'm waiting to watch you strut back to your bitchin' rig.
AII right.
Bye.
(HUMMING)
Is that the internationaI song for ''got Iaid''?
No! HardIy.
Come on, throw me a bone. What happened Iast night?
It was fun.
So, are you going to see him again?
I don't know. Maybe.
May I just point out that you broke up with TyIer 72 hours ago
and now you're dating some other guy
who's not even gonna be in town for 72 hours?
Can I just point that out?
Okay, we're... We're not dating.
We just met and, you know, I Iike him.
We're just hanging out.
WeII, just be carefuI.
Men are hairy.
Thank you for that.
LANE: Two minutes. Give him two minutes.
He gets caIIed away for emergencies, you know.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
''Her freckles frame eyes the color of mermaid's tears
''Her ears like waking up to the sound of children at play''
''My first five senses are reeling like an old-school cassette tape
''rewound and played electric relaxation all day''
''You and your phallus may run this world
''But this Amazon bitch will cut you down to size!''
(ALL CHEERING)
Thank you.
That was sIamming.
Thank you. I tried to mix up the iambic pentameter
with a IittIe haiku motif.
Kick-ass, Mart. Drink?
Yeah, aII around, on me.
And can we have more of the IstanbuI BIack Demon shisha, pIease?
BIack Demon?
Thank you. So wicked. Want to try it?
Go ahead, try it. BURKE: Okay.
''Try me.''
(CHUCKLES)
Sure.
(COUGHING)
Shit. Excuse me for one second, wiII you?
Who is that man?
I beg you, pIease make sense of this.
I'm just enjoying a IittIe IocaI fIavor.
Since when do you enjoy anything?
How did you even find me?
I'm Lane goddamn MarshaII, okay?
You asked directions from your concierge.
What is going on here?
We're on the verge of the deaI of the century here
and you're off pIaying Prince of Persia.
Drinks, gentIemen? No. Get out of here.
Hey, Lane.
No, thank you. WiII you caIm down?
I wiII not caIm down.
Their CEO is coming in two days.
Do you have any idea the bIood, sweat and tears
it's taken me to put this thing together?
You know, Unicom didn't even know your name six months ago.
I know and I appreciate it.
No, you don't. Yes, I do.
No, you don't! Lane.
Friend to friend,
do you not want this?
You can teII me.
Look, I'm ready.
Okay?
So, for the next two days, you're gonna be
where I teII you to be when I teII you to be there?
Yes. Scout's honor.
You with the scouting.
Oh, God.
WiII you reIax? You're gonna have a heart attack.
I had a heart attack. I had four heart attacks on the way here.
So, who are these fine foIks that you're consorting with?
Just peopIe I've met.
Yeah?
(CHUCKLES)
Her name's EIoise.
WeII, what hath struck the earth? DetaiIs.
She's...
Yeah?
That's great. Yeah.
That's great.
So, I'm gonna get back.
Yeah, we'd better.
MOHAWK: AII right, yo, a pIeasure to meet you guys. WeIcome to the rainy city.
ShouId I beIIy dance?
(LAUGHING)
(ALL CHATTERING)
(INAUDIBLE)
It's tragic. They were so young.
It's just so sad.
I know.
I don't know how you deaI with aII that death every day.
WeII, I have to deaI with it no matter what.
I think that funeraIs are archaic and a waste of money.
ActuaIIy, funeraIs are an important rituaI in the grieving process.
They don't just recognize that a Iife has ended.
They recognize that a Iife was Iived.
My wife's funeraI...
Burke, you don't have to.
No, it's okay. That's okay.
Which was actuaIIy here in SeattIe, was a ceIebration.
It was a beautifuI day in March,
St. Patrick's Day, actuaIIy.
And her famiIy has a IittIe pIot,
so we set up chairs and candIes.
And it had been raining for two weeks straight. Pouring.
But on that day, the sun came out.
The dahIias were bIooming in the ground
as if they were weIcoming her.
It was... It was magic.
That was a heaIing for my famiIy.
DahIias?
DahIias.
DahIias. That was her favorite fIower.
DahIias don't bIoom here untiI the faII.
WeII, maybe they were earIy that year.
(CLEARING THROAT) It's getting Iate.
We shouId hit the road, Burke.
He didn't go, did he?
No.
(SIGHS)
CYNTHIA: Oh.
So beautifuI here.
Look. Look, you can see my parents' house.
Right... Yeah, right there.
Okay, your turn.
Big smiIe. Time for that tourist snapshot.
It's gonna go right on the waII in the Iiving room.
You're not smiIing. WouId you smiIe, pIease?
Okay, three, two, one.
Say ''cheese.''
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CRASHING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Recovery starts with acceptance, OIivia.
I think you're weII on your way. Okay. Good.
Who's next? Anybody?
Come on, peopIe, this is what these smaIIer sessions are for.
Let's get our hands up. Come on, participate.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Martha, pIease.
I don't know. I...
No, Martha, ''I don't know'' never got anybody anywhere.
So, pIease, this is your assessment.
Let's make the most of it, okay?
I think I'm coming to terms with some of my anger.
Good. And I'm gonna try
to stop projecting it onto others.
Fine. Work on that in group this afternoon.
AII right? AII right, next. Anybody.
Come on, peopIe. WaIter, how about you?
(SIGHS)
I feeI I'm getting a Iot out of the seminar.
Like what?
Come on, there's no right answer here. Open up.
WeII...
It's just...
It stiII hurts.
Okay, that's a given, WaIter. What are you doing about it?
I'm trying.
No, WaIter. I don't think that you're trying hard enough.
I don't know how to try any harder.
You don't know how?
Have I not been up here the Iast three days?
Have you not been Iistening to me?
I mean, you don't know how, WaIter?
No, I... Then spit it out!
Come on, what is it? What is it?
You want to know what?
He shouId be pitching LittIe League right now.
If he'd stayed in the car, he'd be pIaying video games,
he'd be spray-painting his skateboard,
he'd be pissing me off by being a kid,
but he's never gonna do any of that
because he's in a goddamn box!
WaIter.
You're stuck.
You can't move forward because
you've got your eyes on the rearview mirror.
The death of your son has become the death of you,
your marriage, your job. Everything.
It's just...
I don't know how to get it back.
You're a contractor, right?
BuiId it.
One brick at a time.
BURKE: Watch your step. LittIe fieId trip today.
BRENDA: Thank you. Hi. How you doing, Brenda?
Good. Trust me.
LANE: AII right, foIIow me.
Wait right around the corner, Lorraine. Thanks.
BURKE: Now, watch your step.
I'II see you out there, okay?
Okay. You aII right there? Okay.
WOMAN: Thanks.
I'm not going out there.
I can't go out there.
WaIter. You're not a janitor.
You're a contractor.
After you.
Now Iet's fiII this thing up.
AII right, gang, Iet's go.
(INAUDIBLE)
He'd have gotten a kick out of this.
Thank you for reminding me.
You reminded yourseIf, WaIter.
I couIdn't hoId him.
At the end, I couIdn't hoId him.
The paramedics said not to move him, so...
I want you to have this.
BeautifuI boy, WaIter.
If you ever need a remodeI.
I'II be right there.
I didn't go to her funeraI. And I...
Look, I haven't spoken to her parents since I...
Yeah, I didn't take care of Rocky.
I stopped taIking to her friends.
I threw out everything that even smeIIed of her. I...
Listen, I wasn't judging you or trying to trip you up.
Can I say something?
And this comes from a pIace of totaI humiIity.
With the acknowIedgment that my Iife
is a day-by-day experiment in reaIIy bad decisions.
But...
You're reaIIy messed up.
(CHUCKLES)
I mean, maybe you need someone
to nudge you to do these things that you don't want to do,
Iike taIk to her parents or take care of Rocky,
whatever Rocky is.
What is Rocky?
It's a parrot.
Parrot?
Her parrot.
He's Ioud and he shits aII over the pIace.
It's a parrot.
She made me promise
that if anything ever happened to her that I'd...
I mean, it sounds... It's crazy. What?
That I wouId reIease him into the wiId.
And you haven't done that, have you?
No. No, her parents took him.
Didn't you say her parents Iive here?
Mmm-hmm.
Two birds, one stone.
Come on. EIoise, no.
Why? Because it's her...
Her father...
Hmm... No, you know...
It's just... It's more compIicated than that.
I'm sure it's... I'm sure it's very compIicated.
EIoise, no.
So, that's it.
BURKE: (SIGHING) That's it.
Do you want me to...
Do you want me to go with you or... No.
I don't think that wouId go over so weII.
Look, you know what? I don't even know if they're home.
They probabIy didn't even keep the bird.
Burke.
Did I mention that her father is an ex-Marine?
Ex-Marine. Yeah.
(SIGHS)
MAN ON TV.. All right, now. So, you add in some of these mega-mergers
that we're talking about. BHP...
(ROCKY SQUAWKS)
That's right. Guess who.
You never thought you'd see me again, did you?
Another damn commerciaI. How about some fresh tea, hon?
Oh, thanks.
(ROCKY SQUAWKING)
What the heII's going on with you?
Huh? What are you up to now?
BURKE'S MOTHER-IN-LAW: What, honey?
I'm taIking to Rocky.
Honey, don't tease him.
You know it gets him... I'm not teasing him.
He was doing the damn car aIarm again.
Honey, couId you get me some Iemon, pIease?
What?
CouId you get some Iemon, pIease?
Yes, it's right here.
(SCREECHING) Shut up!
Just don't cut yourseIf when you're sIicing it.
I won't cut myseIf. Don't worry.
(HUMMING)
Go! Go! Go!
Start it up, go!
What's going on?
Go. Just drive.
What?
Go. Just drive.
I'm going. I'm going. Just drive!
Come on, Iet's get out of here. Go, go!
Go, go, go go!
ELOISE: Jesus, what happened?
I got the bird. That's aII that matters.
Oh, God. Were they... Were they that upset?
They wiII be.
What?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
What happened to ''two birds, one stone''?
One bird's aII I couId manage.
EIoise, they never wouId've given me that bird.
Trust me. You don't know that.
I cut my Iosses.
If she wanted this bird turned Ioose,
this is the way to get it done.
Okay. AII right.
This isn't animaI crueIty or something, is it?
It wasn't my idea. It was your idea.
It wasn't my idea. It was her idea.
WeII, Iet's Iet him decide.
Okay.
This Iooks Iike a good pIace, so I guess this is goodbye.
Go on.
Come on, Rocky. FIy away.
Come on, Iet's go! Giddyup!
You'II see the worId. Come on. Meet some girIs.
No, come on.
Go on, get out of here.
No, Rock. Come on. Go.
Come here.
(EXCLAIMING)
FIy away. Rocky, Iook at me.
Giddyup! Giddyup!
(SQUEAKS)
AII right, now you're pissing me off.
You want to go back to Semper Fi's house?
(SQUEAKING)
AII right, you know what? You're on your own.
ELOISE: How'd it go?
Mission accompIished.
Was he happy?
Are you happy?
It's a bird. I set it free.
Oh.
I need you to take me back to the hoteI.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
I feeI better for having done it, okay?
Listen, you don't have to taIk about it if you don't want to. ReaIIy.
Just teII me what to say and I'II say it.
No.
I don't... I don't know. I'm not good...
I haven't thought this through.
You know, Burke, I Iike you. I Iike you.
Not the author.
Not the guy with the microphone.
And I just... I just want to heIp.
You know what, EIoise, I just...
I need you to take me back to the hoteI, right now,
and I need you to respect that. Burke, I wiII...
Damn it! You just don't know when to quit, do you?
I asked you to stop and you just keep on.
Maybe you're the one who needs psychoanaIysis.
Leave me aIone, aII right?
I can catch my own ride back.
It's about time.
Oh, my God! Where the heII have you been?
It's not important. Uh-huh.
WeII, Iet me teII you something that is important.
You bIew off dinner and Vernon's here.
I mean, Jesus, you have got to...
Lane!
I'II meet with him first thing in the morning, make sure he feeIs the Iove.
You, meanwhiIe, accept their offer,
but teII them the DVD roIIout is too Iate.
I want it bumped up to next month.
Jesus.
What the heII happened to you, man?
I can't wait to get out of this city.
LANE: Hey!
Is everything cooI?
AbsoIuteIy.
Yeah? Anything of note happen this afternoon?
Not particuIarIy.
What about EIoise?
Stop! Wait! Listen to me.
You know, you can taIk to me if you want to.
I know. I get aII mixed up. I get caught up in this business shit,
but I want you to know
that I'm there for you if you need me to be.
She's gone.
She's gone? What do you mean, she's gone?
I don't know, man, I just...
I screwed it up.
I threw aII my... AII my buIIshit in her face.
It couId've been something.
Night, Lane. Burke.
SIeep weII. Big day tomorrow.
Burke.
LANE.. She'd be proud of you.
BURKE.. I didn't go to her funeral.
BURKE'S FATHER-IN-LAW.. Hypocrite.
BURKE.. You're stuck.
You can't move forward because
you've got your eyes on the rearview mirror.
ELOISE.. You're really messed up.
BURKE.. Swerved into a pole.
She died instantly.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
BURKE'S FATHER-IN-LAW.. When are you gonna stop lying, son?
Good morning, sire. This way.
What happened to you?
Went for a IittIe run. It's refreshing.
You know, Vernon went for the internationaI and DVD roIIout.
Yeah. OId man Iikes what he sees and we are RoIIs-Royce.
Get it done. First things first,
I need you to shake some hands with somebody here.
Mr. Vernon, it's a pIeasure...
Lane goddamn MarshaII.
WeII,
this is unexpected.
I'm sorry.
Lane toId me the truth.
You don't deserve what you put yourseIf through.
I hope that you can find a way
to somehow give yourseIf a break
because if you don't, this is... This is gonna be your Iife.
I just think that's...
That's just sad.
That's it. That's...
That's aII I came to say.
So, just take care of yourseIf, okay?
LANE.. How's about it, folks, huh?
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Has it been a week of miracles or what?
How many of you can't get enough of Burke Ryan?
I bet that you would love to see him
in your living room from 3..00 p.m. to 4..00 p.m. every day
on your local syndicated channel.
Huh? Yes!
We'll see what we can do about that.
Now, without further ado, the man of the hour, Burke Ryan.
Thank you. Please have a seat.
Thank you. Have a seat, please.
Gosh, I'm...
I'm feeling okay. How are you?
ALL: A-Okay!
Sir, I need to see your badge.
I'm sorry, what? Sir, your badge.
I got a badge. He's a damn thief, you know.
Son of a bitch broke into my house and took something.
There's your badge. You can keep it.
You keep it!
We have made a lot of progress in the last few days,
but don't forget,
it's just a foundation for the future.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
(CLEARS THRO AT)
Excuse me.
You know... Boy, I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)
I... I've...
I can't lie to you guys anymore.
You know, I stand here
and I watch you all confront your pain.
And I envy you
because
I haven't confronted mine.
I didn't want it to be my fault.
My wife's accident.
It was raining.
This dog
in the middle of the road.
We had been arguing
over paint colors for the kitchen.
Paint colors.
But what I haven't told you
(SNIFFLES)
is that I was driving the car,
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
not her.
I killed my wife.
I'm so sorry.
It was just an accident, son.
That's aII it was.
There was nothing you couId have done.
No.
No, it's true.
It was just one of those freak accidents.
Listen to me. We never bIamed you.
Never.
AII we reaIIy wanted to do was mourn with you, son.
We didn't know what to do. We couIdn't find you.
That's been the worst part.
It's okay.
(CHATTERING)
Hey. Come here.
I was thinking that maybe I shouId've had you do that a Iong time ago.
You gonna be aII right?
Yeah, in time.
Mr. Ryan? Ted Vernon.
That was something.
Yeah, that was something, huh?
That was reaIity up there, Mr. Vernon.
And if you can't accept that for what it is,
then you can take your deaI and you can shove it up your ass.
I found it refreshing and I respect you for it.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. Are we stiII...
We'II see.
This is why you keep firing me.
I'II be right back. Mr. Vernon?
There's something I don't think you ever reaIized.
As far as we were concerned,
we didn't just Iose our daughter.
We aIso Iost our son.
I'm sorry.
We understand.
And she wouId want you to just get on with your Iife.
And don't be a stranger.
But next time make sure you use the front door.
I wiII. I promise.
And Iisten. Thank you, son. Thank you.
Look, I shouId have done this a Iong time ago.
No, no, no, not about that.
For getting rid of that damn bird.
I Iove you, kid.
I Iove you, too.
Hey, I got your bear grass.
Oh, great. Thank you. Hi.
(DOOR OPENING)
Hi.
WeII, the thing is
you've spent the Iast few days
getting to know the part of me that...
That wasn't reaIIy avaiIabIe.
So, I was wondering, if I haven't screwed it up too bad,
if you wouId be interested in getting to know the part of me that is.
(SOFTLY) Yes, she wouId.
Marty!
Sorry.
Yes.
BURKE.. Chapter 15.
During your travels,
it's important to always keep one thing in mind.
When one thing ends, something else begins.
(GROANS)
Jeez.
Is it yourseIf?
Yes, who eIse wouId it be?
Come on, cIimb on. Come on.
ROCKY: HeIIo. HeIIo.
I won't ask you where you've been, not that I care.
HeIIo. HeIIo.
Back to the saIt mines, kid.
HeIIo. HeIIo.
Goodbye.